Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Randomize
