end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
