Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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