We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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