If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Randomize
