Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
