I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
