Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
