P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
