Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
