I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
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