matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
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