I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize
