I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Randomize
