Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
