How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
