I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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