O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Randomize
