Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
