It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
