I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
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