I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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