they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Randomize