FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
