and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Randomize
