watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
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