come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
