love makes seman taste better
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
