Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
