I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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