He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
