I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I can't turn off my feet"
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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