boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
