I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Randomize
