proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
We are all done wearing pants today
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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