whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
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