I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
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I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
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I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
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