sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
