Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
