she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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