It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
