take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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