Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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