the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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