Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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