He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
