Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
