So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
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