break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
