fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
