I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
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