when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
