I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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