PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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