Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
