I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
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He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize