Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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