do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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