Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
