Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
